Damaged Goods

 We start out this life as damaged goods.  No matter how we are raised and no matter how great the environment we are brought up in we begin this life defective.  Because we are born in sin, that is that we are deformed from the beginning from sin, we spend our lives trying to overcome the effects of this.  Life can cause more damage as we experience the pains and afflictions of this life.  The degree to which we are damaged is in direct correlation to the degree in which we allow our life experiences to hold us back.  Our enemies are not only the forces of the devil but also those mistakes and obstacles that occur in our lives.  For instance with me I know my height and the fact that I lived basically a fatherless existence held me back a great deal.  I felt that my height 5’9" was too short to play sports and used this as a crutch not to pursue athletics to the degree that I desired.  Not having a dad made me feel deprived on so many levels that as I look back and see what an emotional wreck I was on the inside it is amazing that I had the confidence to do anything.  I also have to admit to being intellectually arrogant.  I thought that I was one of the most intelligent people in the world and this false sense of self worth caused me to look down upon others whom I believed were not my equals.  So here I was with all these open wounds, damaged places, in me that the devil used to keep me from seeing the reality of my situation and for appreciating my life and those around me.  It was not until I allowed Jesus to come into my life that these wounds began to heal.  I began to see that all the accusations and curses in my life could be overcome by surrendering my will to God.  I was successful in some of the big things but I still have hung onto some and allowed them to hinder my walk.  As I mature in Christ I am seeing that it is only in Him that I am truly healed and no matter what I do from my lowly position as a human being, the cure for my ailments rests in my repentence and submission to God.  I am still running  the race, still trying to finish the course by living for Him who died for me.  If you are like me and still have some areas in your life that are still damaged, in encourage you to place them at the feet of Jesus Christ the only true way.

TJ

Can’t sleep 1/2/2009

So , for the last week or so I haven’t slept much. Last night after about an hour and a half of sleep I awoke, completely wide awake like I had slept for hours. I had just dreamt of waiting for a train. When the train arrived there weren’t many seats empty so I decided to stand near the front door. The people on the train were not friendly and some put packages on their seat to prevent anyone from sitting with them. Most of the passengers appeared to be women and I never could see the face of the driver of the train. At the next stop a huge group of mostly guys got on and immediately began hassling everyone. Four diiferent times guys from this group tried to start fights with me and on one occassion I got upset and was about to fight when I realized that I would be fighting a group not just one. I moved around the train trying to find some peace but everywhere I went some of these guys were making a ruckus or were trying to touch me or start a fight. I tried to fake sleep but could not find any rest. Finally I found a lounge that some of the passengers had discovered as a refuge. There were about eight of us in this room with panoramic windows view of the night passing by. This respite lasted quite a while as day began to break, finally a few of the group found our hideout and they began to come in and take over and gradually all the other passengers that had been there with me began to drift back to the main seating area. I determined that I was going to hold out and locked myself in one of the restrooms. Finally, I could see the station approaching from the window and the train began to slow. The horn blew and everyone left the train but I never saw that strange crew get off.
The Lord sent me to Ezekiel 33 and said to me that the battle is not one of flesh and blood but of the spirit. I now know that my sleep issues are a direct result of the warfare that is going on an that the enemy is attacking me to deter me from hearing from and seeking the Lord. I know that God has set me as a watchman and a discerned of the seasons.